Perseverance and Talent

For years, I've been the best at the things I've done and tried... without really trying.
I've been the best in the academics, beating everyone in the class since kindergarten to grade 1, singing, etc.. But when grade 2 year came, i was beaten and was left into a trail of dust. I didn't mind because i knew all along that i have the talent to beat them.. even that prissy bitch that was on top. But, in the end, i still didn't try...

Trying for me seems like a waste of time. A waste of energy. I mean, why try when I can achieve things not everyone can without even exerting so much force and effort into one thing?

i saw no point. But i still hated being beaten.
Lately, i've taken a liking to the arts.. knew that i CAN be a great drafter and even painter.. i can be the best if i wanted to and if i was willing to put time and passion into the things that we do. i just HATE TRYING. but i DO love beating people and coming on on top.

Since i've resolved to that idea, i have slowly learned the lesson of perseverance.. a virtue that i lack greatly. This, being proven by the fact that my latest project was probably finished in less than 7 hours worth of REAL WORK.. as in, 7 hours WITHOUT distractions, breaks, and procrastination.. in the end, i still didnt give it my all and my friend will, once again, beat the shit out of me...

And I gotta admit...
I HATE EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT..

Although the painting turned out quite decent, the whale on it looks practically retarded.. the baby, a bit scary and not quite vein-y enough.. which, i will fix in a few moment.. the only thing i really like about it are the waves and the clouds coz i personally think they look phenomenal.. and only took about 30 minutes to do..

as i said earlier - lack of trying is really my greatest problem.
it's not that i'm lazy.. it's just....
i've been going through life, seeing it as a pointless case. I mean, we're all going to die someday, anyway?
so, exactly what was the point in living it?
What's the point of working hard, when the my own mediocre work seems to surpass most people's best?


And now,i've found it... to be perfect.. or strive for perfection [this ties back to one of my earlier posts] and to feel accomplished